The Devil’s Beatitudes

Author Unknown

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend a few hours a week with their fellow Christians. They are my best workers.
2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked. I can use them.
3. Blessed are the “touchy” who stop going to church. They are my missionaries.
4. Blessed are the trouble makers. They shall be called my children.
5. Blessed are the complainers. I’m all ears to them.
6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes, for they get nothing out of the sermons.
7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own congregation, for he is part of the problem instead of the solution.
8. Blessed are those who gossip, for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.
9. Blessed are those who are easily offended, for they will soon get angry and quit.
10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God’s work, for they are my helpers.
11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister, for he shall be with me forever.
12. Blessed are you who, when you read this, think it is about other people and not yourself. I’ve got you too!

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